TO REBUILD IS “TO BUILD SOMETHING AGAIN AFTER IT HAS BEEN DAMAGED OR DESTROYED”.

As someone who lives in a constant state of seeking and obtaining growth, to have to rebuild seems counterproductive.

Rebuilding implies that I’ll be tearing down or destroying all that I’ve done and recreating it — maybe in the same way and maybe in a new way. Overall, it just sounds like a waste of whatever time expenditure it’ll cost me to rebuild in the first place. But, as of right now, I could use a massive rebuild as it relates to certain aspects of life, but should I?

When you’re always on the search for something new and something “challengingly better”, things get cloudy fairly quickly. These are the times where we seem to take the most for granted. We could have the best things and be in the space that we’re supposed to be in but our constant search seems to only want to take us away from where we should be.

For me, I want a total rebuild! I want to rebuild spiritually, financially, emotionally, physically, and interpersonally.

The “why” behind this is solely person-centered. It’s fully about where I am at the ripe age of 32 and the view of where I want to be… Where I see myself being… And, where I deserve to be. I’m no stranger to the concept and action of working for what I get, so I’m not worried about that part. The part that worries me, however, is the “how”.

How do I rebuild when there’s that much to rebuild? What does the end result look like? What if I don’t even like the thing that I’ve since created?

Even rebuilding toward something that you want comes with a world of uncertainty, so why would anyone be compelled to make such changes? I’m motivated by the unfortunate life experiences of loss (and even active grief).

While I can’t actively deal with the feelings that come with experiencing loss, I am refocusing that energy into a ton of different [and seemingly random] things. If I pop up over the next few months as a drummer or with a real estate license and a personal training certification, just look the other way because I needed this right now.

I’m rebuilding because I don’t ever want to have to go through another metamorphosis-like change without the tools, the circle of loving an supportive friends, and the ability to hop over to an island or go on a workout/mindfulness retreat, if need be for healing. There’s so much freedom that comes with having the tools to assist in dealing with life’s difficult moments and in being forever real about the realities of life instead of dressing them up, I want to make sure that I have everything that I need to reach happiness again once the storms have passed, and to do that, one must rebuild.

Best,
Bree 🫶🏾